Is this the real life?

Or is it parody? It's getting so hard to tell with these insane right wingers and Randian fools. From Rep Louis Gohmert's fictional "terror babies" to wingnut bloggers' fictional "Mexican drug gangs invade US and Obama instructs Texas law enforcement to cover it up" stories, to Nevada Senate Republican nominee refusing to talk to press to answer for her history of dumbass statements about dismantling the US gov't (a passion she shares with Rand Paul -- but he has better hair). The constant stream of ever more epic stupid from the right is gonna make me lose my mind. But the bonus is, that if the Tea Party assholes fill Washington with lunatics, there'll be room in the asylum for me -- if Rand Paul hasn't cut its funding.

...and you thought she couldn't do it...

Now I am afraid to go to San Francisco.

RIP, Mark. We wish you hadn't.

Meditating with Prog Dinosaurs

Something for the stoned '70s teen prog head in all of us. Late night contemplative listening fare. (If you're at work, this will only put you to sleep or piss you off -- or probably just make you bummed that you're stuck at work.) Relax:

If you're still in need of sleep, read on. It's not included in the next video, but Peter Gabriel preceded the Montreal performance with an intro in French. Translation:

Now a story of Love. The man's a Romeo. He has on a fig leaf. He takes it off and eats it. It produces in him an enormous sexual excitement. [get it, enormous, nudge, nudge -- ed.] He sees Juliet immediately on her balcony. She sings.. (very prettily) blah blah blah, and Romeo takes Juliet and transports her in obscurity to a place in the cinema called "the Cinema Show".

Tiresias was a prophet in Greek mythology. Among the tales associated with him are these, lifted from Wikipedia:

On Mount Cyllene in the Peloponnese, as Tiresias came upon a pair of copulating snakes, he hit the pair a smart blow with his stick. Hera was not pleased, and she punished Tiresias by transforming him into a woman. As a woman, Tiresias became a priestess of Hera, married and had children, including Manto, who also possessed the gift of prophecy. According to some versions of the tale, Lady Tiresias was a prostitute of great renown. After seven years as a woman, Tiresias again found mating snakes; depending on the myth, either she made sure to leave the snakes alone this time, or, according to Hyginus, trampled on them. As a result, Tiresias was released from his sentence and permitted to regain his masculinity. This ancient story is recorded in lost lines of Hesiod.

^{In a separate episode, Tiresias was drawn into an argument between Hera and her husband Zeus, on the theme of who has more pleasure in sex: the man, as Hera claimed; or, as Zeus claimed, the woman, as Tiresias had experienced both. Tiresias replied "Of ten parts a man enjoys one only." Hera instantly struck him blind for his impiety. Zeus could do nothing to stop her, but he did give Tiresias the gift of foresight and a lifespan of seven lives.}

^{So Tiresias lived as both man and woman, and professed that women enjoy the unmentionable act more then men; hence, this Genesis song's lyric, referring to Tiresias' dual sexuality:}

Take a little trip back with father Tiresias,

Listen to the old one speak of all he has lived through.

"I have crossed between the poles, for me there's no mystery.

Once a man, like the sea, I raged.

Once a woman, like the earth, I gave.

But there is in fact more earth than sea."

Of course, I never knew any of this shit when I was listening to it on headphones in the dark of night at age 12. I just thought it sounded damned pretty. Relax, ignore the video/audio mismatch, and enjoy a terrific live performance (and Phil Collins has hair...sort of):

CLEVELAND!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

At least it's not Detroit.

Be gentle with me...

...this is my first time. No, really.

Let's just get this started off right. This is how it's done:

This Is Russian Beatbox. You should be ashamed, America.

CAN SOMEONE KICK THIS GUY IN THE NUTS? PLEASE? LIKE, NOW?

In case you're bored.

Here are few sites worthwhile clicking your way to - all safe for work:

Swarmsketch
On My Desk
Random Cool Images
This Guy Is Fucking Nuts
How All Music Is Relative
Packing Tape Rocks
That's Where Your Pencils Ended Up
In Case You Felt Like Doing It

This site is in Japanese. I assume most of you speak it as well as I do (you bought it for a second, ha ha ha); in case you're not a samurai, here's how it works - click on the dates to your left, you will see one or two or whatever tiny pix pop up. Click on any one of those to enlarge. Do not click anywhere else, or else angry midget ninjas will introduce you to elegant, yet possibly painful world of disembowelment art. I warn you, this guy has some serious issues and even more serious imagination. He's Japanese and last time I checked they don't fuck around, since we bombed their sense of humor right out of them. All of the work is done in CG. Once again, this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

This Guy Is Way More Fucking Nuts

I bet you this guy brushes his teeth with Puffer Fish at least twice a day.

Death don't have no mercy.

Thanks to Tom.

Thank you for...

...clicking on ads. Now click SOME MORE!!!

My squirrel will fuck up your squirrel.

Walk softly and carry a big stick. Then get shot in the face.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Yours truly.

Sorry folks, nothing to report today, just waiting for something that will catch my attention, and then of course I will deliver my obscenity laced commentary straight to your screen. If you have any topic suggestions, please leave them in the comment section. I am almost positive I can rip apart anything. Emphasis on "almost."

Thanks for the homely pic, TL. Now this image is forever burned into my retinas. Next time just lobotomize me, please.

Click on the fucking ads, people, I need some justification for selling out!

Best video ever. I said ever.

The title of this song is "I am very happy, because finally, I am coming home." You'll see the irony of the title once you watch the video. No need to know Russian.

This video is safe for work, just don't blast it.

I'm gonna miss you, turd.

Jimmy Lee Lindsey, better known as Jay Reatard, was found dead in his Memphis home on January 12th. He was going to be 30 this May. All those rails of cocaine and alcohol, Jimmy. I told you to cut that shit out. I'm going to miss you so much. How could you do that to us? We talked about it, do you remember, you selfish fuck? See you there, Jim.

I've seen goats exercising better logic than this.

Really?, No, wait, let me ask you again, REALLY? Ever feel like sifting through 60+ pages of manure, help yourself:This guy gets paid for laughing in your face.

Olympics!!!!

Russian cartoon circa 1970 or so. Propaganda at its' best. My little nod to Olympics.

Massive rape by friendly corporations. Hilarity ensues.

Granted, I was woken up way too early to be even slightly coherent, but thanks to a cup of coffee and a cigarette, I am ready to bring to your attention some discrepancies (I'm being extremely polite here) which I have noticed in regard to the whole Obama vs. Insurance Companies + Public Option clusterfuck. It only took a few minutes to canvass currently available articles, and even though most agree that shit is fucked up, some offer a different (read: biased) view of how this whole operation will melt your fucking brain. Oh, and don't get me started on pre-election promises of certain government figures. Let's start with this

A firestorm between the Obama administration and health insurers escalated Thursday, as the Department of Health and Human Services pointed to double-digit price increases or attempted increases in six states to make the case for overhauling the health-care system

Alright, all nice and dandy, especially the firestorm part, that's really fucking poetic, makes my heart melt, that's how firestormy it feels here. Oh, and let's not forget how angry I feel about the paragraph that follows:

Over the past week, Democrats and Wellpoint Inc., the country's largest insurer by members, have sparred over a 39% premium increase for individual plans by Wellpoint's Anthem Blue Cross unit in the individual market in California. At a news conference Thursday, Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius cited more "extreme premium increases," including requests that insurers made to state regulators to raise rates by 56% in Michigan, 24% in Connecticut, 23% in Maine and 20% in Oregon.

WHAT? Did I read this right, or... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING YOU GODDAMNED HIGHWAY ROBBERS? Would you like my firstborn, as well? OK, taking a deep breath here, I have to save my energy for angry Tourette kind outbursts for later, when the mail man comes with my COBRA bill (why fuck Michigan so bad? What did Michigan do?). Moving on. So, hopefully the latter quote sunk in by now, and I suppose you're ready for the reasoning of those rich fucks as to why 75% of your paycheck will end up in their pocket, and why you will be selling your kidneys in Chinese black market very, very soon...

"The increases in Maine and Connecticut are being driven by the same factors as in California: Underlying medical costs are increasing, and there's the same kind of deterioration in the risk pool," said Brad Fluegel, WellPoint's chief of strategy. As people lose their jobs, he said, younger, healthier individuals are more likely to go without insurance in a difficult economy, skewing the mix of policy holders toward the elderly. After initial rejections from local insurance regulators, Mr. Fluegel said WellPoint wound up with a 17.5% increase in Connecticut and a 10.5% increase in Maine...WellPoint and other insurers say they are raising prices to keep up with rising medical costs and sicker customer pools.

Interesting logic. Rather lack thereof, but who am I to judge this poor, poor man who's struggling his way up this shitcreek of economy in a 7.5 million dollar yacht? Well, if we take a closer look at last years' profits of five most traded health insurance companies, their combined effort was rewarded with a tiny profit in the neighboorhood of some 12 fucking billion dollars. If that doesn't make you pissed off, my dear Michigan, then you must be dead. We shall mourn you, and we shall miss you. Well, maybe we won't miss Detroit, but I think that you, Michigan, are a notch above New Jersey, which is a lot, coming from me.

Enough about that. Let's see what this is all about:

President Obama will put forward comprehensive health care legislation intended to bridge differences between Senate and House Democrats ahead of a summit meeting with Republicans next week, senior administration officials and Congressional aides said Thursday. Democratic officials said the president’s proposal was being written so that it could be attached to a budget bill as a way of averting a Republican filibuster in the Senate. The procedure, known as budget reconciliation, would let Democrats advance the bill with a simple majority rather than a 60-vote supermajority.

OK, so far so good, a bit too vague for my taste, but so is our fucking future. An interesting fact is that Congressional Democrats have neither seen or signed the legislation. Do you smell that gasoline burning? No? I must be getting a stroke then, because I feel like I am about to drink a GHB laced beer in the bar where White House and Wellpoint often chill together, waiting for unsuspecting voters to pass out, who then later wake up feeling a bit... handled. That's probably how they spell "rape" on the Capitol Hill. It's so sad, it's funny. Now, according to New York Times (see above tag):

The president’s plan would require most Americans to obtain health insurance or face financial penalties; it would bar insurers from denying coverage based on pre-existing medical conditions, and it would give tax subsidies to help moderate-income people buy private insurance.

Latter part gets me excited with hope and brings a tear to me eye...but...ahh, do you mind reading the first sentence again, and again, and again, until you memorize it enough to find the same statement in here. Now call me dumb (I know who you are, so stop it) but I read and re - read that one sucky page of Obama's proposal, and NOWHERE does he propose to impose – that rhymes – anything resembling financial penalties for choosing to opt out. Just give me a fucking barrel, I'll bend over it, let's be done. Bad enough Massachusetts gives it to you "Deliverance" style for being uninsured, so why don't we model the whole country after that state? Imagine making federal minimum working full time with a couple of kids in tow? Having to dole out most of your meager paycheck for a health plan that will most likely suck ass? Oh man those kids will grow up having a phobia of Ramen Noodles, because that's the only fucking thing their poor mother will be able to afford until they get their lazy asses out in to the real world, and maybe even get a job. Oh, yeah, if those are still around. Kids, save your money for a trip to India or China, I heard they're hiring...

Yes, we probably did torture them.

I'm just re-iterating what Harry Shearer (broken link, google it) said the other day. I was so pissed, I even kept his general outline. I'm expecting to get a "Cease and Desist" letter soon. Something about plagiarism, I imagine.
So your vote goes to torture detainees if that means we can subdue, or even prevent future attacks? I highly doubt it, and history proves over, and over, and oh so boringly over, violence begets violence. So yes, sue me, I'm using what Department of Justice (what a misnomer these days) would kindly refer to as “liberal crack pot ideology with a bit of reluctance thrown in for a good measure.” I say go fuck yourself. You can rewrite and criticize history akin to a bedtime story full of malcontents, but then again see what happened to Germany. Look at the Cold War, now that one was just a silly “I got more nukes than you” game, right? I rest my case, and you can definitely find my case among the hard facts: United States, (up until the election where Al Gore (((almost))) became a president), used to harshly prosecute people involved in any kind of torture techniques. What is waterboarding? It's just a nice word that some White House PR idiot came up with. As in “no, we can't say drown those fuckers... let's just say, waterboarding. Brings a nice image of a beach, like a sport of sorts, maybe hmm, let's say in Cuba? Cuba's nice, right?” If you don't believe, just sift through the rulings of the United States federal judges in the past decade.

Now that Supreme Court's allowed habeas corpus for all inmates “relaxing” in Cuba, these detainees have been allowed, no, given a chance to have a federal court hearing based, and I quote here “on the reasonableness of their detentions.” (see Judicial Review and Administrative Detention by Amos Guiora)

Oh wait I have more to substantiate my “washed out liberal anti-governemnt speech”: this Saturday, Washington Post reported that:

The government also relied on Hatim's interrogations and his testimony at military hearings, during which he is said to have admitted to training at an al-Qaeda military camp. Judges have been skeptical of such statements unless the government provides evidence that the men were not seriously mistreated. In Hatim's case, the Justice Department did not dispute his contention that he was tortured in U.S. custody and that he made those admissions to avoid further mistreatment.

So let me get this straight, Hatim here admitted to molesting Santa Claus and starting all kinds of weird shit “to avoid further mistreatment?” I imagine if you were tortured, you'd admit to pretty much everything. You would probably sign any piece of paper passed on to you, just to avoid having your already beat up head submerged in a bucket of fetid water for hours at a time. You have to love these ubiquitous statement by the Justice Department. I swear, I do, just don't torture me. See, that was easy. Oh wait there's more (as if you didn't see that coming):

Musa'ab al-Madhwani had admitted to interrogators and testified before military hearings that he had trained at an al-Qaeda camp and traveled with its members in Afghanistan and Pakistan, records show. But the detainees' attorneys argued that the statements were tainted because their client was brutally tortured while in U.S. custody before his arrival in Cuba. He confessed only to prevent further mistreatment, they argued. The government did not contest Madhwani's claims.

Still more, hold on to those boards you lucky champs:

Binyam Mohamed...provided the government its most sensational allegation: He told interrogators that the Algerian trained at an al-Qaeda camp in Afghanistan. Kessler wrote that she could not credit Mohamed's allegations because he had been mistreated in foreign and U.S. custody. The government did not dispute his well-publicized accounts of torture.

As of the date of this article, Federal Court ruled in favor of detaining 9 cases, and maybe, maybe releasing some 30, given that language of the ruling is so convoluted, that it appears favoring White House decision of continuous silence and commitment to torture while denying it at the same time. (That's a straight (or so) line from Mr. Shearer, who, by the way, is the biggest man on the block whom I wholeheartedly admire. Please don't sue me). Really? So why then Department of Justice “did not dispute his contention that he was tortured in U.S. custody and that he made those admissions to avoid further mistreatment?” So who's stupid now? Raise your hand kids, it's all for the American good, and in the end, it's only water, right? How bad can that be?